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Have you ever wondered what a day would be like as a FOCUS Missionary?
Kirsten Goza, a former FOCUS missionary,
shares her experience.
7:18 a.m. My bleary blue eyes struggle open and focus on a crucifix hanging
on an apposite wall. “Jesus…Good Morning…I love You…Help me get out of bed!”
Sunlight streams through the bedroom window, easing the hardest moment of my
day. Following this incoherent prayer, I sit up, smile and think, “I get to do
this again!”
7:31 a.m. Feet pound down a vacant country road. Crisp
morning air is the perfect accent to the familiar musical strains of U2 on my
Discman. As I jog past a cow pasture just outside the quaint college town of
Atchison, I wonder for the umpteenth time how a northern Virginia native ended
up in northeast Kansas! And as always, the perfect peace of knowing God has
clearly called me here to serve at Benedictine College dispels any doubts about
the somewhat remote location of my temporary home.
8:13 a.m. Head
cleared and body refreshed, I brew some “missionary strength” coffee, peel a
banana, and prepare for the day ahead.
9:03 a.m. “Jesus, we ask for
Your blessing on our campus, all our students, the staff and faculty here, for
our donors, for all other FOCUS missionaries and staff, and we ask You to help
our team grow in unity and holiness. Help us to be your joyful and faithful
instruments on campus today.”
David Staples, our campus director leads
our team of four missionaries as we begin our daily prayer, a savored and
crucial asperct of each morning Kneeling together in a small campus chapel we
recite the Holy Rosary, followed by an hour of silent personal prayer. Words
from another missionary, Mother Teresa of Calcutta, often echo in my heart: “My
secret is quite simple. I pray.” A beautiful reminder that without Christ, one
can do nothing. With Him, however, all things are possible.
10:19
a.m. Hey, “Laura! How was your Bible Study last night?” I call out to a
student checker her mailbox in the Student Union.”
“Super good!”
responds bubbly sophomore Laura Jacobson. “All the girls miraculously were able
to make it, and we ended up spending twenty minutes on a tangent about Christian
dating, which was so great! I learn so much every time!”
I laugh knowingly. “Well, sometimes tangents are the best part of the
discussion. I’m so glad you’re enjoying it, though. Speaking of dating, I’ve
been meaning to ask about you and Matthew…how are things going with you
two?”
Laura blushes and replies, “Things are great Kirsten. Really great! And that
book you lent me last month on purity has really it home too. I’d actually love
the chance to talk more with you about it.”
“Of course! How about coffee Friday? I’ll call you to double-check,
okay?”
10:32 a.m. As students flood through the doors of the Union,
headed to and from class, I deliberately smile at each one. And silently pray,
Jesus,let me be Your instrument.” Seeing an opportunity, I hold the door for a
big guy on crutches.”
“Thanks,” he mumbles, still looking down.
“No problem. Great game on Saturday, by the way.”
The
athlete raises his eyes surprised at the unexpected friendly conversation.
“How long will you be on crutches?” I continue.
“Um…just
one more week. It’s just a minor sprain.”
“Well good luck with the
rest of your season.”
“Um…thanks.” A hesitant smile finally
escapes.
Being an effective missionary, I find is often in the small things. Doing
small things with great love.
11:15 a.m. The pumpernickel Café is a
favorite downtown coffee shop for many college students – and missionaries! I
join Lucy Haley at our usual window table. Lucy is a junior education major and
leads a FOCUS Bible study on campus. She is one of the four students I enjoy
meeting weekly for discipleship. Discipleship offers students accountability in
their own relationship with Christ, as well as challenges them in practical ways
to spread the faith to their peers. Developing such relationships is, in many
ways, the heart of the FOCUS mission. Much like Christ and the first disciples,
we invest our very selves (cf. I Thessalonians 2:8) into the lives of students,
handing the faith on in a relational and effective way. Students are ultimately
inspired to do the same.
Following a brief prayer, our conversation begins.
So, Lucy, how’s life since last week?”
“Lucy laughs, “Where do I
begin?!”
I listen attentively as the lively young woman shares candidly
about her challenges in her weekly Bible study, some struggles with her roommate
and about her prayer life.
“Kirsten, I’ve really been trying to pray more everyday, like you’ve been
challenging me and it’s finally paying off!” The more I pray the more I want to
pray. And it has truly helped in so many areas of my life: my relationships, my
academics, preparing to lead my Bible study…I even find myself praying while I
walk to class!”
“Lucy, that’s so great to hear! I’m really proud of you for preserving! And
speaking of prayer, remind me to get back to that question you brought up last
week about the Mass. I brought an article we can go through that might help you
answer your friend’s question.”
Discipleship is not only designed for an
individual’s personal faith formation, but is ultimately aimed at “teaching
teachers how to teach” (cf. 2 Timothy 2:2). In this way, students gradually
become Christian leaders capable of effectively articulating their Catholic
faith to others, both during their college years and beyond.
12:25 p.m.
A tray suddenly crashes to the floor next to the dish return. Clanging
forks sound their applause on glasses around the campus cafeteria – an ancient
Benedictine College custom carried out each time some unfortunate soul drops his
dishes. I sympathetically watch from across the noisy café as the guilty party
smiles sheepishly. Then, as I fill my plate at the salad bar and exchange
greetings with students weaving through the line, I strategically scan the
lunchroom for an empty seat. What FOCUS calls “cafeteria ministry” is an ideal
time to meet students, but can also be a bit intimidating, even for a seasoned
missionary.
Carefully balancing my tray, and praying for courage, I approach a table of
girls I don’t fully recognize.
“May I join you?”
The students look up, somewhat suspicious of a
newcomer and nod slowly.
“I’m Kirsten. I think I’ve met a few of you
before…”
The girls warm up a little and introductions are made.
Conversation about classes, basketball, and the previous weekend resumes, and I
focus my attention on the red-headed girl to my left, whom I vaguely remember
meeting during freshmen orientation.
1:16 p.m. “Well, I’ll try to
make it to your game this weekend, Melissa. Good luck! It was nice meeting all
of you!” I get up as the rest of the table clears out and head to the dish
return with my tray – hoping not to drop it!
1:23 p.m. “FOCUS office.
This is Kirsten.”
“Hi, Kirsten! It’s me. I got your message regarding
Friday night, and would love to play some guitar. Thanks for asking me! What
time should I be there?”
Relieved at his enthusiastic response, I fill in junior soccer player,
Robert Cruz, on the details of the upcoming outreach event FOCUS is organizing,
creatively titled “8:57.” The interactive game night/coffeehouse, beginning at
8:57 p.m. and held in the lounge of a central coed dorm, is another effort to
offer students a positive social alternative to the weekend’s typical party
scene. Involving a wide range of students in the planning helps draw a crowd
from numerous groups on campus and allows students to assume other leadership
roles within FOCUS.
3:17 p.m. “I’m open!” I yell frantically to a
tall guy I just met fifteen minutes befre, and sprint to catch the flying disc
near the end zone. Having just spent a solid hour or so preparing for my
evening Bible study and then visiting a few students’ dorm rooms, I decided to
join a random group of students assembled for a pick-up game of Ultimate
Frisbee.
“Oops. Sorry team!” I apologize for a missed goal and toss the
disc to my opponent and fellow missionary, Jeremy Cassidy. As the two teams
prepare for the throw-off, I can’t help grinning. Who else has sunshine, fresh
air and Ultimate Frisbee in their job description?
5:08 p.m. Kneeling
next to two freshmen, I close my eyes to pray before daily Mass in the
Benedictine abbey on campus. Relishing the silence, I thank God for Maria, the
energetic transfer student I met while playing Frisbee, who tentatively accepted
my invitation to a weekly Bible study. Praising Him for all the day’s graces
thus far, I prepare my heart to humbly receive Jesus Christ in the Eucharist.
6:11 p.m. “Is homemade pizza okay? We’ve got some cheese and
leftover veggies…”
I close the barren fridge and address my fellow
missionary and housemate, Kari Baker, who is opening a stack of mail in our cozy
apartment kitchen.
“Perfect. Now tell me about your Thursday!”
We both share extensively about our respective days on campus as we prepare
dinner. This simple time to bond is another essential aspect of missionary life
– cultivating authentic Christian community. As the year unfolds, one’s team
often begins to feel like a true family.
9:56 p.m. “ ‘Therefore
neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who
causes the growth’ (I Corinthians 3:7 NAB).”
Leaning back against the beat –up couch in the living room of a modest
off-campus student house, I pose the final question of my evening Bible study.
“After all we’ve talked about from these first few chapters of I
Corinthians, how can this verse specifically help you grow deeper in humility
and sharing your faith?”
“Well,” begins recent convert Rita Cash, “I used to think I was on a mission
from God to convert the entire pre-med department.” The group laughs. “But over
the last several ears, I’ve realized more and more that I need to focus first on
my own relationship with Christ, and then let Him work through me. After all,
He ultimately does it all anyway. I just have to be available as His
instrument.”
Even though I facilitate the discussion each week, I am
frequently inspired by the valuable insights the students offer, often things I
too need to hear. When they suddenly “get it,” I know I’ve done my job –
helping them realize how relevant and applicable Scripture is to the daily life
of a young Catholic.
10:19 p.m. Finally home for the evening, I boil
some water for tea, pop in an Alison Krauss CD, and begin filling the kitchen
sink with soapy water and dinner dishes. The prospect of getting to bed by
11:00 is a rare and appealing treat for a missionary! Remembering suddenly that
I’m meeting a student at 8:00 a.m. for a rescheduled breakfast and discipleship,
I’m doubly grateful for an early evening at home,
11:04 p.m. The
fulfillment experience at each day’s end makes waking up every morning
worthwhile. As my weary eyes close, I offer the day’s final prayer.
“Thank You, Jesus, for another beautiful day with You. Mary, my Mother,
pray for me.”
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Kirsten Goza entered the cloistered Poor Clares in
May of 2007
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